Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses

You’re dangerous, you don’t what you want… -U2

While on the road, what pisses me off most are drivers who straddle on two lanes. Those who are unsure and undecided on where they really want to go.

Nakakainis kasi nakakasira ng diskarte.

But lately I realized na para din pala akong mga driver na yun. Hindi sigurado. Wala pang eksaktong plano. I admit that right now, I’m just living life one day at a time without a clear picture of what I want to be in the future.

In reality, people straddle on two lanes not just on the road but in life as well.

Right now I feel like I’m straddling on two lanes in different aspects of my life. Syempre nandiyan ang nakakatawa pero relevant-as-of-now question na “Dapat ba akong maging halaman for 2012?” at nandiyan din yung mas poignant at relevant-now-and-always-will-be na “What do I want to do in my career?”

I asked myself this question a lot of times over the past few months. Tomorrow I’ll be six months in my job as a writer for a small ad agency/marketing communications company. Meeting up with my college friends last Saturday made me ask myself, “So, what’s next?”

I love my job. But I’d be lying if I say that I see myself doing this for a really long time. To be honest, I’m not even sure if advertising is for me. I love to write and it’s something I’d love to do for the rest of my life but I think a different kind of writing is calling out to me.

I’ve been checking Summit Media’s job openings and they have a lot for Editorial Assistants and Staffwriters for their different titles. I must admit I’m tempted to jump ship ASAP if the opportunity to write in a style I’ve grown accustomed to would be in the offering. Writing ads and scripts and creating concepts for events is exciting but I think six months has given me time to realize that maybe this isn’t for me.

What I want is to write paragraphs. Articles. Stories. Those that take you on a journey the way short ad copies can’t. That’s what I want to do.

But then again I think, what if I’m actually good at this? And the reason why I think it’s not for me is because I’m at that difficult transition phase where I shed my past leaning towards my comfort writing style and actually learn the art of making ad copies and event concepts?

Yes. Right now I’m straddling on two lanes. I don’t know if I should leave or stay. If I were on the road I’d probably hate myself right now. But maybe there’s beauty in not knowing what you want.

I’d just trust life and Him up there. I might stumble into the answer next year. Once I find out what I really want, I’d know. My instincts would tell me. They’ve been my best ally this year.

Photo by Dove